Harry Potter and the Cursed Child: The Curse that Keeps on Cursing
By Lee DeGraw September 10, 2016 Published on BayArea.com
I, like so many others, love Harry Potter. I feel like Rowling wrote these books just for me — like the wizarding world and all of its mysteries and adventures were an homage to my own childhood fantasies of being different and feeling like there was magic all around me. My adult brain realizes, of course, that most likely every person who was inspired and charmed by the HP series probably felt similarly.
So, as a gal who would give her left tit for a chance to go to Hogwarts (the real one, like be a witch with powers and be enrolled, not just that Orlando Muggle nonsense) you can imagine my absolute delight over hearing that Rowling had authored an 8th book to add to the series. After much anticipation, I finally got my grubby little paws on the book/play the second it dropped. Since I’m no longer a ten year old with no responsibilities, I was too busy to read it right away and finally finished it two hours ago and now here I sit, overwhelmed by a feeling of utter anguish at having to accept that this … THIS … dungbomb is truly the final installment of my beloved series.
Two quick disclaimers before I rant about why I hated it. First, I’m not an “expert” at deciphering subtle clues and dissecting plots whilst creating elaborate fan theories. Second, mega spoilers ahead.
1. Fan Fiction This book reads like a slightly deranged fan who spends entirely too much time on Pottermore.com wrote it. Voldemort had a daughter? Voldemort had sex?? Bellatrix was his lover??? Time can be turned back over and over and over and over again???? Harry is a shitty dad????? No. Just, no. This work unravels so much of what Rowling carefully crafted when developing her characters throughout the original seven books.
2. The Dialogue Yes, I know it’s a play and that it’s meant to be seen on stage rather than read in my cozy bed, however, the fact remains that the dialogue between the characters is poorly written. It lacks depth, authenticity, and failed to evoke emotion. Well, that’s not entirely truthful — I do feel rather emotional about how shabby it was.
3. The Remix It’s not really a new story, but more like a revival of previous HP plot lines with a few new characters thrown into the mix. Actually, my favorite parts of the book were when entire sections from previous books were revisited in the same language that they were originally written in.
4. Watching the Potters Die Dafuq??! Harry insisting that he watch his parents die while he’s in the past is completely ludicrous. This is the foundation of the whole series — the Potter parents die, Harry lives, and Voldemort is weakened, eventually leading to his demise. By having this moment be witnessed not only by Harry, but also his entire entourage, completely cheapens one of the most powerful moments of the HP world.
Rowling, you’ve bummed me out, but I forgive you. Still, I do wish I could turn back time and warn my past self not to read this, even though my past self would probably have told my future self to fuck off and read it anyway. Final thoughts: It’s not the child that’s cursed, but rather us for having wasted money on this rubbish.